Friday, October 4, 2013
Self help
You know cancer can't catch me: Self help: I sit here, I don't really have any idea how to start. Where do I start? My mind is full of words, words that I want to enclose in my fi...
Self help
I sit here, I don't really have any idea how to start. Where do I start? My mind is full of words, words that I want to enclose in my fist and throw across empty paper, like paint on a canvas! But it would never make any sense, its not like a painting, the beauty of colors flowing from your hand, cascading down a white landscape uniquely and beautiful. No, words are not like that, words deserve order, uniformity, placement, otherwise they seize to make sense! How I wish my words were like dripping beautiful puddles of colored paint.
I will try to begin slowly, from the start, yes, that is usually where one begins! Am I right?
I have spent many nights laying in bed thinking of who I am, who I have become, who I am going to become, and most importantly, WHO I WANT TO BECOME. You see, I have never been a go getter, I have never worked to follow my many dreams. I am a dreamer, yet that is sadly all I am. I sit and think of the things I want to do, the person I want to come, I want to change the world. But still I sit here and remind myself of all the reasons why I don't feel like doing anything today, maybe I will start tomorrow. Yes my infamous line: Maybe I will start tomorrow. I cant even begin to tell you how many times these five hollow, meaningless words have escaped from my lips.
After thirty years of my life I have decided to start working on who I am. I have promised myself to become a better person, to work on me from the inside, to do things I have always wanted to do. I will stop sitting in the empty shadows of my dreams and I will start to accomplish things.
I start with a list, my life consists of lists, words numbered on a piece of paper, it might as well be blank, because "my lists" get thrown aside, twisted in a heap thrown in the corner! No, I promise myself this list will see light, this list will be worked on, this list will turn me into the person who I am supposed to be.
This list brings me to a blog, a computer screen, an empty document waiting to be filled with my words, my words that are jumbled in my head. You see, I have always wanted to write a book, a novel. I have thought many times what this novel would be about, but like I said nothing in my life has ever been concrete, only a mere thought that drifts away like a balloon in the sky, an idea; nothing every to come from it. Well, I came here today, not to write a novel, but to start on a blog where I can share my words with the world through a computer screen instead of behind a hardcover of a book. A blog with my words, that maybe one day could grace a beautiful stiff page of a newly printed book, a book that would one day be torn, ripped and loved so much that the pages smelled of comfort.
And So it begins, my blog! No, my self help blog, the blog to help others, others who suffer from mental illness, those who are at the brink of life and death, who can't decide whether to stay or go! You can look at it as a self help to suicide.
This is where my journey of self discovery begins, this is where I find out who I am, who I can become, who I was destined to be! And so my number one on that list of words; Change someones life.
I will try to begin slowly, from the start, yes, that is usually where one begins! Am I right?
I have spent many nights laying in bed thinking of who I am, who I have become, who I am going to become, and most importantly, WHO I WANT TO BECOME. You see, I have never been a go getter, I have never worked to follow my many dreams. I am a dreamer, yet that is sadly all I am. I sit and think of the things I want to do, the person I want to come, I want to change the world. But still I sit here and remind myself of all the reasons why I don't feel like doing anything today, maybe I will start tomorrow. Yes my infamous line: Maybe I will start tomorrow. I cant even begin to tell you how many times these five hollow, meaningless words have escaped from my lips.
After thirty years of my life I have decided to start working on who I am. I have promised myself to become a better person, to work on me from the inside, to do things I have always wanted to do. I will stop sitting in the empty shadows of my dreams and I will start to accomplish things.
I start with a list, my life consists of lists, words numbered on a piece of paper, it might as well be blank, because "my lists" get thrown aside, twisted in a heap thrown in the corner! No, I promise myself this list will see light, this list will be worked on, this list will turn me into the person who I am supposed to be.
This list brings me to a blog, a computer screen, an empty document waiting to be filled with my words, my words that are jumbled in my head. You see, I have always wanted to write a book, a novel. I have thought many times what this novel would be about, but like I said nothing in my life has ever been concrete, only a mere thought that drifts away like a balloon in the sky, an idea; nothing every to come from it. Well, I came here today, not to write a novel, but to start on a blog where I can share my words with the world through a computer screen instead of behind a hardcover of a book. A blog with my words, that maybe one day could grace a beautiful stiff page of a newly printed book, a book that would one day be torn, ripped and loved so much that the pages smelled of comfort.
And So it begins, my blog! No, my self help blog, the blog to help others, others who suffer from mental illness, those who are at the brink of life and death, who can't decide whether to stay or go! You can look at it as a self help to suicide.
This is where my journey of self discovery begins, this is where I find out who I am, who I can become, who I was destined to be! And so my number one on that list of words; Change someones life.
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